Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
