would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize