I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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