So drunk its hurt
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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