I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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