Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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