i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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