I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
