Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
