That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize