Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
