elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
