I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
