you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
