Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
