He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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