4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We just shotgunned beers for America
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
