uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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