I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
