i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
