morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
