This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
