i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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