OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
