So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
