the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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