He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
