That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize