I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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