Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
