so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
