I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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