My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
