He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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