Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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