I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We talked him into tasing himself.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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