he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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