Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
do nipples grow back?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
