Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
