Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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