Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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