It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
