OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
