I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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