...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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