Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
