I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
as a side note pls kill me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
