The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
