I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
