So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
