I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i came on her dog
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
