He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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