dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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