he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
