I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
