you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
