she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
