jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
