hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
