But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
