I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
