"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
