You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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