She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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