I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
