it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
