i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
