i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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